Ten signs you’re a basic bitch in 2017.
1) Constantly reminding everyone that you’re a vegan and obsessively chastising anyone who isn’t. Yeah, we get it. We know you’re a vegan. Change the f**king subject.
2) Taking point of view hand holding photos with your basic boyfriend. It’s not enchanting. It’s not unique. It’s just emasculating, nauseating, and cringeworthy.
3) Putting a flag filter on your Facebook profile image or tweeting #PrayFor (fill in the blank) to show solidarity after every terror attack or natural disaster. It’s not activism. It’s not helping anyone. It’s lame virtue signaling to score social brownie points.
4) Attending Burning Man. No explanation required.
5) Never shutting up about how many green smoothies you drink. Green smoothies are pseudo-science. They’re full of anti-nutrients that kill your metabolism. Green smoothies are basic bitch nutrition.
6) Posting photos of books by philosophers. Stop bullshitting us. We know you haven’t read them.
7) Signing online petitions to “ban all the things”. You’re not doing your bit for society, you’re just jumping on the latest slacktivist bandwagon.
8) Pretending to be continually amazed by “science and the universe,” while demonstrating no authentic interest or actual knowledge of science and the universe.
9) Showcasing your “cultural sensitivities” by traveling to shithole countries then coming home and bragging to all your friends about what “awe-inspiring” places they are. They’re not. They’re shitholes.
10) Posting empty “inspirational quotes” on social media to reassure yourself that your pointless life has meaning.
Newsflash: It doesn’t. You’re a basic bitch.
